The highs and lows

So after the stress of my last post I wanted to post something that returned to a calmer and much more centred me however the excitment of the last weeks has meant that I can finally annouce to the entire world that everything that I have been through, everything I have done and everything that I have subjected those around me to has been worth it because


I am going to be a mummy!


It seems so very strnage to write these words even after everything I have been through.



I decided to do my first test after nearly of week of feeling awful with every symptom in the book and never dreamed it would be positive, my thought was to see a negative and to move on. 5 days and 3 more tests later and it seemed the dream was real. Blood tests with the doctors which were positive and then an appointment but that is where things started to fall apart.

After questions and an examinations I was sent, at the rush, to the hospital for more tests including an internal and more bloods, when they sent me on my way things seemed pretty positive but some hours later I had the phone call from hell. My blood results were not good. My hormone levels, instead and increasing rapidly, had decreased and there were one of 2 options, a natural misscarriage or, a bit more serious, an ectopic pregnancy.

My world collapsed.
For 7 days and 11 hours I thought something had gone right, our luck had changed and we were on the pathway to better things but I was wrong. I should have known that there was no way we could have some thing so wonderful. In that last 16 hours I have barely stopped crying, I can't sleep and my dream has turned into my worst nightmare.

I have to go back in a couple of days to see what they will do will me and until then all I can do is wait and try and find some way of coping. I have no idea where to start.